Counseling Sucks
So, we went to counseling after work today. I was already tired from not getting enough sleep. In fact, I can't seem to sleep even if I want to. I have a mild case of insomnia it seems. I'm also sore from flag football. I feel drained from being Mr. Friendly at work and my Readers haven't even shown up yet! And on top of all this, we had counseling tonight, and it was supposed to be a session in which I tried to explain some of the rationale behind my sexually addictive behaviors. Good times. Not. Maybe God-led times, but definitely not Good times.
So, we went. Over to Mary's house. Yay. We talked about doing individual counseling for our respective wounds and baggage. Not so bad. And then we transitioned into some of my addictive cycles and the thought process behind it. I felt attacked by Jessica. No, not exactly. It wasn't that she was attacking me. It was what she does quite often. In sharing her perspective on things, she stuck words in my mouth and attributed motives, rationales, and intentions to me that were false. She does this quite often, and very, very often in counseling. Many times, I just don't even have the energy to continue combating her barrages. It's not right. It casts me in not so much a bad light, but an incorrect light. It makes me angry.
Tonight, she was saying how I want her to look like a Victoria Secret model. It makes me so mad, because that's never what I've said. In fact, it's comments like that that inform me she hasn't understood much of what I've said that I want and need from her. Why try?? She's just going to twist my words and actions to fit the mold of her caustic view of life. She has no clue what I want from her. It makes me so mad. Why add anymore, because that's really the crux of the matter.
It wouldn't do much good to say what I need or want from her, because she'll just twist it. So, I'll just keep it. A time is coming when I will have had enough of her "I'm a frumpy, dumpy little fat red head" attitude. If she wants platonic in our relationship then I guess that's a good perspective to have, because I will not be physically or sexually attracted to her enough to have a good sex life. We'll just be married friends I guess with one of those way less than stellar and unsatisfying sex lives. Fine. Yay.
I don't care what she says. I am sick of being with women who've given the best of themselves physically and sexually to other men, and they want me to accept their lukewarm leftovers. Fuck that. I am not asking for a Victoria Secret model. Only that some girl would love me enough to look the best she's ever looked for any guy in her life. She seems to be content to just be short frumpy dumpy Jessica. It's the best she can do. Whatever. I'm so angry right now. I think next time she speaks that bullshit, I'm either going to tear into her or just have to walk away from the scene of her crime. What a bunch of shit.
So, we went. Over to Mary's house. Yay. We talked about doing individual counseling for our respective wounds and baggage. Not so bad. And then we transitioned into some of my addictive cycles and the thought process behind it. I felt attacked by Jessica. No, not exactly. It wasn't that she was attacking me. It was what she does quite often. In sharing her perspective on things, she stuck words in my mouth and attributed motives, rationales, and intentions to me that were false. She does this quite often, and very, very often in counseling. Many times, I just don't even have the energy to continue combating her barrages. It's not right. It casts me in not so much a bad light, but an incorrect light. It makes me angry.
Tonight, she was saying how I want her to look like a Victoria Secret model. It makes me so mad, because that's never what I've said. In fact, it's comments like that that inform me she hasn't understood much of what I've said that I want and need from her. Why try?? She's just going to twist my words and actions to fit the mold of her caustic view of life. She has no clue what I want from her. It makes me so mad. Why add anymore, because that's really the crux of the matter.
It wouldn't do much good to say what I need or want from her, because she'll just twist it. So, I'll just keep it. A time is coming when I will have had enough of her "I'm a frumpy, dumpy little fat red head" attitude. If she wants platonic in our relationship then I guess that's a good perspective to have, because I will not be physically or sexually attracted to her enough to have a good sex life. We'll just be married friends I guess with one of those way less than stellar and unsatisfying sex lives. Fine. Yay.
I don't care what she says. I am sick of being with women who've given the best of themselves physically and sexually to other men, and they want me to accept their lukewarm leftovers. Fuck that. I am not asking for a Victoria Secret model. Only that some girl would love me enough to look the best she's ever looked for any guy in her life. She seems to be content to just be short frumpy dumpy Jessica. It's the best she can do. Whatever. I'm so angry right now. I think next time she speaks that bullshit, I'm either going to tear into her or just have to walk away from the scene of her crime. What a bunch of shit.
posted by wwiiguy at 1:50 AM
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