My Brother's Baby

My brother's girlfriend is pregnant and scheduled to get an abortion this Friday. My heart aches on so many levels. I hurt for Brent - I know the pain of losing one's only child. I hurt for Jill - I honestly don't know if she's having problems with killing her flesh and blood child, but I hurt for the pain and grief and guilt she is sure to feel down the road. Granted, the doctors have said that with her diabetes she is not healthy enough to have the child and that the child may have awful health problems if born. All that being said though, the child is still Brent and Jill's flesh and blood son or daughter. They will always grieve over the death of their child. I hurt for Mom and Dad, especially Dad - they have 5 grandchildren, 3 of whom they've never even met. Two died from abortion, and one from miscarriage. I know it grieves them to have so many grand-children, yet they are not here for them to enjoy. I hurt for myself - it grieves me to see another little child in our family die so prematurely and perhaps unnecessarily. At the very least, a violent, humiliating death. As for Ashley, Tamara, Jill's family - I have no idea what they all feel.

I'm sad.....

Another little life snuffed out. The baby is the lucky one. They don't live to see the aftermath and fallout from the poor choices that were made leading up to it's death.

Who will dare say that a child is not deserving of the protection of it's life? Who will dare say they are a christian, in love with God, and yet, in the same breath, say it's a woman's right to destroy her child? Who will rationalize and pretend that somehow that living critter inside Mommy's tummy is not a baby?? Rationalize how we want to, in our hearts, we know better. Who will say that the government should not protect those little babies because it might interfere with a woman's "rights"??? What about a woman's, a mother's responsibilities to care for and protect her offspring??? Does anyone say that a man, if he didn't consent to the woman getting pregnant, should be free of his obligations as a daddy?? No way! And what about little baby's right to live??? Does anyone care about that??

I'm sick of hearing the hypocrisy of people - of christians especially - who somehow attempt to defend the unholy, ungodly, abomination of murdering one's own son or daughter! They say, "Oh, I believe it is wrong and I would never do it, but I can't impose my beliefs on another woman to do what she wants with her body." Or that, "The government doesn't have the right to tell a woman what to do with her own body."

What about a government's responsibility to protect human life??? Who cares about that??? What about the sacredness of a fresh, innocent, clean little unborn child??? Who will defend him or her? You would think that of all people it would be mothers. But no, it's women who proclaim their "right" to kill their children!

Yes, I'm sure some who might stumble across this would throw out the needle in the haystack scenarios of the mother's health - like my brother's girlfriend - or of rape or incest. Yes, yes, yes, we all know those situations can and do occur. But they are the exception. And when they do occur, well, maybe we could all sympathize if someone made a choice to kill their child. I know I could, even if I think it's the wrong choice. If I was a mother and my life was at stake, I would hope I'd have the courage to die so that my child may live - after all, isn't a parent supposed to be willing to sacrifice their life if need be for their child's??? But even as I say that, I know I'm human and weak. I may choose my life over my child's in the heat of the trial even though I know it's wrong. I hurt for Jill. What an awful choice to have to make. If she spares her child's life, she may die, or even worse, her child may be horribly handicapped and sick. If she takes it's life, she lives with that the rest of her life.

Still, though it has struck my family, is that any excuse to give official credibility to the disposal of our children? Would any parent say that the government should not protect their 3-year old, their 10-year old, or their 17-year old? Then why say it should not interfere with the murder of a baby who has been alive for 2 months inside it's mother's womb?? Anyone, especially a christian who would say otherwise is a hypocrite and needs to look at their beliefs and motivations.

I cannot say that I would always do right if given the option to do wrong. When I was first told by my ex that she was pregnant, I freely admit that the abortion "solution" seemed quite attractive. And it was only after praying and crying to God, and confessing to friends that I accepted that my life had forever changed. And only after all that, did I truly want to see my child born. I so empathize with people in that situation because I've been there. But neither my weakness nor anyone else's changes what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is evil. Abortion is evil!

Murder is evil. Fornication is evil. Using people is evil. But somehow most of us seem to feel a more violent outrage when evil is perpetrated against a child. Even God seemed to feel that way. All through the Old Testament, God spews His anger and outrage over the sacrificing of children to false gods. The only difference today is that instead of the god being "Molech", it's the god of convenience, or partying, or career, or anything other than a desire to raise that little child God has blessed them with. How dare any of us, christians especially, try to say a woman - or a man - has the right to destroy that precious little life God has miraculously and lovingly formed! Shame on anyone, including myself, if we dare think otherwise! Shame!

I am angered and in pain and grief over what my family, as well as Jill and her family will go through because of this evil. Oh that we would turn to God!

I had an interesting thing happen on Sunday....

....and as I was going through it, I just kept telling myself, "This is going to make a great blog entry." Well, now that I'm attempting to write about it a couple days later, I'm really not sure if it will or not. As I was going through the experience, I was thinking of all kinds of funny, witty things I'd be able to tell about it, but now that I'm here putting keystrokes to monitor screen, all those humorous details escape me. So, too bad for you and too bad for my own writer's ego, this won't be nearly as interesting to read as what I was envisioning on Sunday.

What happened you ask? Well, I went to the 9am service at this church 5 minutes away. In recent months I've been going there during the week and people pray with me. On the form they have you fill out, one of the questions they ask is if you are baptized in the Spirit. Well, I certainly believe I have the Holy Spirit living in me. If He/It wasn't living in me, then I'm sure I would've done a lot of things in the name of fun and sexual pleasure that instead I've foregone. It's not always fun having Him or It live inside me. I guess it's not all about fun though. Besides, I digress. So anyway, when they ask that question, I'm assuming they are referring to speaking in tongues, which I've never done, unless one considers English a valid tongue, Biblically speaking :)

It so happens that this past Sunday the sermon was going to be about being filled with the Holy Spirit, so I thought I'd go. I did. And it was 9am....actually more like 9:15, since I can't even get myself to a church on time that is 5 minutes away. I am not awake at 9am, even if I'm up and moving around. It's an act. And even if I have coffee - which I did - it's still debatable whether or not I'm all there at that hour of the morning. So, we're singing songs during the first part of the service. Actually, they are doing most of the singing, and I'm doing most of the coffee sipping and looking around at everybody, probably scoping the church out for cute dark-haired chickies who seem to be single and available. Finally, we get done with singing and we have a couple minutes to meet and greet before sitting down. It's a rather small congregation and the pastor makes his way back to meet me. He seems like a nice fella. So far, so good.

We sit down and next come announcements and so on. He asks if there is anyone attending for the first time. Well, he's already met me, so I can't very well hide from that question. I raise my hand, but fail to notice if anyone else has raised theirs. No big deal. He invites anyone coming here for the first time to join him between this service and the 11am service for a little meet and greet with the pastor. All the while he's looking back at me as he gives directions where it will be. I'll receive some sort of little welcome gift as well. Okay, so still no big deal, and it'll probably be enjoyable to chat with him for a few. And he can't talk with me too long since I'm assuming he's got to run the 11am show as well. And maybe it'll be a good CD they give me....

Next comes the message or sermon, depending on what you're used to calling it. Talking about being filled with the Spirit. Making some references to speaking in tongues. Everybody close your eyes. Just ask God to fill you with the Spirit as your eyes are closed and you pray to Him. Okay. How many of you have never been filled with the Spirit and want to be?? Just raise your hand and I want to say a prayer for you, keeping your eyes closed. Okay, eyes are closed, so I can raise my hand anonymously (big mistake!) and no one will see. A little more smooth singing and praying with heads bowed, eyes closed (I'm assuming everyone else is doing what the preacher says if I am too). Now those of you who raised your hands, I'd like for you to come up to the front and we're going to pray with you --

Okay, stop there. It's like 10am, I'm not the most alert frog in the pond at this hour, I've not finished my ration of coffee yet, and I've already raised my hand in the pastor's sight. I've been had! And since I plan on coming back here for prayer during the week, I can't very well walk out of the church. And he knows where I'm sitting because he came back to meet me as well as looked straight at me and talked to me during the announcements. I'm a goner. I've got to walk up that aisle to the front, like it or not. It's at this point I feel the swift current of circumstances sweep me off my feet and I can only become a rather uncomfortable participant in the events as they unfold. Well, I guess we roll with it and sees where it takes us.

Well, first it takes us up to the front of the congregation. That is so where I want to be at 10 o'clock in the morning - not. So a couple men come and pray with us. There are four of us who answered the call to come to the front. At least I'm not alone. I hear the congregation murmuring prayers, some speaking in tongues, some singing. Well, at some point, we'll surely get some cue that it's okay to make our way back to our seats. Oh but wait, I forgot, we came up to be filled with the Spirit. Hmmm, I've never spoken in tongues. This is going to be really interesting to say the least. I'm going to be their problem student, I just know it.

The pastor - to the best of my recollection - comes by and prays for each one of us. Come on, surely it'll be okay if we just pray, praise God, raise our hands a little and then go back to our seats. But nooooooo! It's not! He instructs a couple of the men in the congregation to take us out to one of the adjoining rooms and work with us! Oh boy, now they are really going to find out how much of a problem student I will be for them when it comes to this whole tongue-speaking thing! I feel this current making a sudden and turbulent acceleration. What have I gotten myself into?? I just wanted to go to a church service!! Here I made plans to do double duty on Sunday and this is how I'm rewarded?? I step outside my comfort zone to go to a small church and God rewards me with being singled out??? Ugh. Well, nothing to do but go with the current and see where it takes me at this point. Fun fun.

We file into a room and sit down, the four of us hand-raisers. This is just a little odd. I'm being facetious - it's a lot odd and a few years ago, by now I really would've been feeling icky at being in this strange and foreign place from which there is no escape now. Instead, today I just comfort myself in that this is going to make an entertaining blog entry. Go to a happy place........The two guys that led us in here start talking to us. Something about speaking in tongues and what it's about. Damn if I remember any of what they were saying. I'm just trying to keep my head above water at this point, much less make sense of anything they are telling me. One of the guys - we'll call him Bruce, since that's his real name - tells us to relax and just make a sound. Don't be afraid, you have to use your vocal chords.

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........in my toad-sounding, nervous morning voiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice...........

Okay, now just add another sound to that sound. Don't think about it, just let the sounds come to you. Now add another sound. You're speaking in a Heavenly language, that's understood in Heaven.....Hmmm, I'm only hearing monosyllabic sounds tacked on, one after the other, but I'm trying to go with it......

LaaaaaaaaaaaaaaDeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeDaaaaaaaaaaaaaTeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......this doesn't sound like anythinnnnnnnnnnnng to meeeeeeeeeeee.........I hear a guyyyyyyyy to my leeeeeeeeffffftt stutterinnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggg out soundsssssssssssss.........How long do we have to stay heeeeeeeerrrrrrrre????????????........

A few minutes of this and one of the tongues-teachers tells the other three fellas they can file back into the sanctuary. Keep practicing this on your own and you'll get better at it.....Oh, but me - it was exactly as I feared. They have found me out. I am definitely the problem child, the problem student who has to stay after school for more instruction in the way of making mono-syllabic noises. (I just wonder if they would've noticed it if I faked it?? "la ri do est y mi conturo zi doeste mocha coom pluriso......." Then I could've left like the other three guys and wouldn't be sitting here right now! Stupid, Stupid!!!) Ugh.....I'm hitting the rapids now.....

What are you afraid of? he asks me. I laugh. Loudly. I'm nervous. Very. I'm really thinking hard now about making this into a blog entry. Go to a happy place.....a very happy place.....oh boy, wouldn't it be a hoot to see Lori in this place??? I think I'm feeling out of my comfort zone! She'd be freaking right now! So, I'd like for you to just make one sound, and then add another. Don't think about it. Just let them come to you. I make another gravelly Laaaaa sound for him. I guess it gets an F because he's still there and he's not telling me I can leave yet. Okay, I'd just like you to relax and lets try this: I'd like you to put 5 sounds together - just let them roll off your tongue. Oh, man, he's giving me a ticket out of here! If I can just string five childlike noises together maybe I can make my escape! I see a light!

LaaaaaaaaaWeeeeeeeeeeee......that's twoooooooo.........nothing else is coming to me.....don't crack under the pressure.............ugh...........I laugh. Not good.

More lecturing and instruction and asking me what my fears are and how it takes practice. I smile. I try to switch tracks a little and tell Him how I grew up in a very reserved home and church. I tell Him how I feel more free at home by myself before God, and yet I long to be able to worship God without being worried about what others think around me. It only briefly distracts him. Back to making sounds. Just 5 sounds. Ugh, dude, I am not going to make LaaaaaaDeeeeeDaaaaaa into a Heavenly language! (I don't tell him this of course) I laugh more. I think about the blog entry I'm going to do on this one. I look at the clock and there's no way I'm going to make it to the Vineyard church service on time. Oh well. I'm a prisoner, what can I do? He tells me for the 14th time to not think about it. I tell him I cannot not think about it. And I laugh some more. I consider trying to distract him again by saying that I think I've been blessed with a gift of laughter and seeing life and the christian walk from a humorous perspective that others don't always see. That's a gift too isn't it?? And therefore, if I have that gift maybe it's not completely necessary for me to speak in tongues today. But I think better of it and keep my mouth shut....other than laughing and some low-level "Laaaaaaaa"ing.

Finally, I can tell he's getting tired. And I tell him I'm just not feeling it. I'm going to have to practice this on my own or something to that effect. Anything to make him not feel like a bad instructor. The trouble's not in your set, it's in mine. I'm experiencing Technical Heavenly Difficulties. The trouble is not in your set. You can let me go now. Pleeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!! For if he feels like it's his fault I'm not speaking in a Heavenly tongue, he'll never let me go! Must reassure him and shake my head to anything he says at this point. Just let me out of here!

He gives me a few parting comments - all very friendly - and tells me that in no way is he wanting me to feel like he's condemning me. And for my part, I don't take it that way at all, thankfully. He's really a nice man. I'm sorry to disappoint him. He reassures me this is not an issue of salvation, which thankfully again, I already know. If I didn't know this, I'd probably be buying myself a one-way ticket to Hell on Priceline.com as soon as I got home. For I've definitely received a grade of F minus in Tongue-Speaking 101 class today......


Postscript - He did finally let me go. I guess I wore him out.

Wouldn't It Be Nice If.....

.....I attracted such a large reader base to my way-too-honest blog, and it was so popular, that I could get syndicated and make a living off my exceptionally creative and gut-wrenchingly honest writing?

.....I got along wonderfully with both my parents and had the kind of relationship with them that I dream of having with my own kids someday if I am blessed to have a family?

......I won a million dollars? That one is just way too easy to think of....

....I became a completely surrendered man to God and allowed Him to use me as He pleased?

......I was able to take a tour of all the famous WWII battle sites that I've read so much about and of which my imagination has painted so many vivid pictures?

....I got to meet my grandfather whom I never met? Oh, the questions I'd have for him!

.....I got to take a vacation to that awesome looking resort in Bora Bora! And of course, not alone but with a significant other--actually, she'd have to be my wife, because otherwise, there'd be fornication involved. There's no way I could vacation at such a beautiful and romantic location and be celibate at the same time. Well, unless I went with some buddies (my non-gay sounding way of referring to my guy friends), and of course, what fun would that be??

....I could fly a big old B-17, a B-24, a Corsair, a 747, a C-130 Hercules, a KC-135, a B-52, and a DC-3? Note: I'm not 100% on every one of those plane names, but I know which ones I'm talking about.

....I met a cute little dark-haired chickie that met all my desires for a mate?

.....oh, and I guess I should add that I met her requirements as well. Otherwise, if she was not interested in me, it'd just be torture meeting her in the first place.

......God took me on a trip through the universe so I could see firsthand his awesome handiwork?

....all those stupid stocks and options I've traded over the last few years on Scottrade actually made me money instead of losing me an arm and a leg?

.....I had multiple lives and I could experience some crazy death-defying stunts without fear of death? I know it sounds really sick and morbid, but I'd like to see what it was like to go down in a bomber during WWII, go down in an old WWII U-Boat, die fighting on the Eastern Front, perform crazy aerobatic tricks, climb Mt. Everest or some other formidable, yet less-littered mountain, play professional football, walk into a furnace like the 3 guys in the Bible did, fight a lion or tiger in the Coliseum, go face-to-face with a bear in the woods.....that's enough deaths I think.

....okay, so I've reread several of these Wouldn't-it-be-nice-ifs and "nice" really doesn't fit the bill for some of them. Perhaps, "Wouldn't it be awesome, exciting, amazing, or wonderful" would be more appropriate for some of them.

.....I was able to go to sleep just like that when I wanted to?

....I was also able to wake up just like that when I wanted to or needed to?

......I could live my life over again, knowing not just what I know now, but also what I'll know during the course of my whole life, as well as what others know and will know, and while I'm at it, whatever God knows as well! That's so all-encompassing, it almost doesn't sound like fun. As if there'd be no challenge involved in it. Of course, I've got a feeling even with all that knowledge and wisdom, I'd still manage to botch some things up and make life interesting to say the least.

.....I could see and hold my Little Lina and raise her. I'm sorry Gladys if you are reading this. I don't mean to hurt you. I know we both wish we had her and could raise her together. I'm just glad her little life touched us for as long as she did, and that we will meet her and be with her one day soon.

....I could be on "Survivor."

.....I could live on a deserted, tropical island for a while, preferably Tarawa in the Gilberts, and live off of island fruit, good beer, good cheese and good bread. Yum Yum!!

.....I could eat Mexican and chili more often than I do?

.....I had more muscles than I do? Okay, I guess more is the incorrect terminology. Same muscles I already have, but bigger and stronger?

.....I had a few awesome homes like the ones shown in the "Lord of the Rings" movies? Did you ever notice how awesome those tree houses were that the elves lived in??? Or that cool underground house Bilbo Baggins lived in?? Or almost as cool would be living in one of those Cold-War era missile silos that has been converted into a cool underground home!! Yeah Buddy!

......I knew how to and had the confidence to go up and just meet any chick that caught my eye?

......they liked me when I met them?

.......I had a wonderful wife and a whole slew of kids?

.....I could go to sleep right now? Did I mention this one already?

Okay, I'm pretty sure I've just about run this blog-topic into the ground, both for your eyes and my typing hands. Goodnight.

The Meteor Shower

A couple nights ago, Brent and Ash and I all went outside on the hill to watch some highly proclaimed meteor shower that was supposed to peak at 1:30 am. It was cold. And there was snow on the ground. And we stood there. And stood there. And stood there some more. And then I was making some wise crack comment about this lame-o meteor shower and looking in the wrong direction when Brent and Ash both hollered, "There's one!" I thought they were kidding. Then we stood there some more. And more. And more. I said that no one could go back in until they'd spotted a meteor or shooting star or whatever those things are called. That's when they both said "Well, we can go in then," because they hadn't been kidding. So, Ashley went in because it was boring and she was cold. Brent and I got some more blankets and a sleeping bag and laid out on the ground. We laid there. And laid there. And laid there. Then as I was looking straight ahead, I saw a streak out of the right side of my peripheral vision. How lame! I'd almost rather not have seen it at all. Then Brent saw something from behind us. Wouldn't that suck if we'd been looking in the wrong general direction this whole time?? So we adjusted ourselves accordingly. And we looked. And looked. And then I saw another shooting star......behind a tree with 27 thousand branches! And it was getting colder. And Brent and I ran out of funny remarks to make about this lame meteor shower, like how it would be much cooler to see a meteor shower of a giant fireball star running smack-dab into some huge planet and seeing the resulting explosion. Now that would be a meteor shower I would pay for a ticket to. Not this thing. I told them I could get a better meteor shower effect by running around the house while blinking my eyes and looking at the Christmas lights! So our feet were cold or maybe it was other miscellaneous body parts that were cold. I can't quite remember. But it was cold nonetheless and the shower was a dud in our opinions. And if there was a User Rating for the meteor shower that night I wanted to give it like 1/2 a star out of 5. There's got to be some sort of clever pun in there somewhere, but like the meteor shower that night, I'm just going to let it fizzle. So, as I was saying, it was getting cold. And we went in. The End.