A Changed Man
I know that title sounds pretty drastic. And believe me, I have been firsthand witness to so many countless times when I either thought I was truly changed or I just wanted to see it happen so I imagined it was true. So even when I read it there is a twinge of skepticism in my own mind. Ha, imagine that, me being a skeptic! Ah, but we’ll save that issue for another day and time. Back to the subject at hand.
I am a changed man. I would sort of like to share the gory details of how it happened in this blog, but as much I do try to be an “Open Book” about myself, I think this is one story that I will hold close to my heart and will choose very carefully who I share it with. It’s sort of strange because it’s not so much that I am afraid of how others would think of me, as it is how deeply this experience touched me, changed me. Although what I was doing was very wrong; although at one point I was more scared than I have ever been in my life; although I never would have consciously asked to go through something so agonizing; although the course of my future hinged on the answer to one big question; what I have come away with from all of it has made me a new man, a better man, a man who wants to be close to God and seek Him more than I think I ever have in my life.
I believe God more when He says that He will give us the strength to bear any burden. I am convicted that truly God is not mocked—we reap what we sow. I decided to put Him to the test on this and His Words proved true. I also was fortunate to experience His mercy, though I didn’t deserve it. I believe more with my heart that when God says He will finish the good work He set out to do in each of His children, He will do that—even if it means allowing us to go through some excruciatingly painful experiences to get us there. I believe more than ever that we better not try to rationalize wrong behavior for any reason. If He tells me to do something or not to do something, if I disobey, I am walking on thin ice. More dangerously, I am walking AWAY from Him. I have seen that though we may wish we could spare others heartache by having them learn from our own sad experiences, sometimes we are just too hard-headed to listen until we experience something firsthand. I have experienced God’s love for me in a deep and touching way. In regard to all these lessons, I feel like saying with Job, “My ears have heard, but now my eyes have seen.”
No longer will I sit on the fence between good and evil. I know which side I want to be on. The evil side—just kidding. That was my one attempt at humor for this entry. I want to walk in the path of righteousness, to follow in Jesus’ footsteps even though I know I will be so imperfect at it. No longer am I going to spend my life griping and complaining and worrying. God is big enough to take care of me. He has the best plans for me. I’ve been scared like I’ve never been before, and He was there for me. I can surely face the much smaller fears that I face on a daily and weekly basis if I look to Him and remember this experience.
God is truly amazing. He can turn some of our biggest failures in life into some of His greatest victories to benefit our relationship with Him. I am so thankful to Him for doing that in my life.
I am a changed man. I would sort of like to share the gory details of how it happened in this blog, but as much I do try to be an “Open Book” about myself, I think this is one story that I will hold close to my heart and will choose very carefully who I share it with. It’s sort of strange because it’s not so much that I am afraid of how others would think of me, as it is how deeply this experience touched me, changed me. Although what I was doing was very wrong; although at one point I was more scared than I have ever been in my life; although I never would have consciously asked to go through something so agonizing; although the course of my future hinged on the answer to one big question; what I have come away with from all of it has made me a new man, a better man, a man who wants to be close to God and seek Him more than I think I ever have in my life.
I believe God more when He says that He will give us the strength to bear any burden. I am convicted that truly God is not mocked—we reap what we sow. I decided to put Him to the test on this and His Words proved true. I also was fortunate to experience His mercy, though I didn’t deserve it. I believe more with my heart that when God says He will finish the good work He set out to do in each of His children, He will do that—even if it means allowing us to go through some excruciatingly painful experiences to get us there. I believe more than ever that we better not try to rationalize wrong behavior for any reason. If He tells me to do something or not to do something, if I disobey, I am walking on thin ice. More dangerously, I am walking AWAY from Him. I have seen that though we may wish we could spare others heartache by having them learn from our own sad experiences, sometimes we are just too hard-headed to listen until we experience something firsthand. I have experienced God’s love for me in a deep and touching way. In regard to all these lessons, I feel like saying with Job, “My ears have heard, but now my eyes have seen.”
No longer will I sit on the fence between good and evil. I know which side I want to be on. The evil side—just kidding. That was my one attempt at humor for this entry. I want to walk in the path of righteousness, to follow in Jesus’ footsteps even though I know I will be so imperfect at it. No longer am I going to spend my life griping and complaining and worrying. God is big enough to take care of me. He has the best plans for me. I’ve been scared like I’ve never been before, and He was there for me. I can surely face the much smaller fears that I face on a daily and weekly basis if I look to Him and remember this experience.
God is truly amazing. He can turn some of our biggest failures in life into some of His greatest victories to benefit our relationship with Him. I am so thankful to Him for doing that in my life.
posted by wwiiguy at 8:45 PM
1 Comments:
Shan,
I know this has been a really tough time for you. You have made the right decision to let God be your guide. I only want the best for you. Remember there are a lot of us who love you and are having the same problems. Remember your not alone as long as you follow God.
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