Dirt

Greetings once again to my loyal friends, guests, and personalities that live inside my head (and sometimes choose to make comments on my blog). I feel so……validated….by the fact that several of you have made inquiries as to when my next entry would be. And I feel so smart for finding a useful use for the word “validated” thanks to my new lifelong friend that I have never met, Laura. Friends 4 ever! (Said in goofy squeally teenage girl voice)

So, I have had quite a few ideas swimming around in my head of late, but honestly I’ve been distracted with other things and just too lazy to get on here and try to put pen to paper, or more accurately, fingers to keyboard to word processor screen. That doesn’t sound as poetic as “pen to paper” but I am a stickler for accuracy, so we’ll go with it.

Anyway, I’ve had the following ideas come to mind: a literary picture of the inner-workings of the male mind (at least my male mind), a rare discussion from me regarding some of the things I see happening on the political landscape of our country (Melissa, you’ve rubbed off on me with your passion for all things political), some various lists (my fears, my favorite things, etc), and probably a few other random ideas that I’ve since forgotten about. I even had the rather brave notion to take requests for topics to write about in my blog, just to see how good of a bull-sh***er I really can be, and if the inner-recesses of my brain could make it entertaining at the same time (well, entertaining to my mind at least).

So, those are some of the future topics you can be anticipating in this blog—sort of a Blog TV Guide—so you can decide if it’s worth sitting around for or to change the channel and watch Big Time Wrestling or that one goofy sounding show that’s on currently—“Mega Ballroom Dance Hop with the Stars” or something along those lines. The only good thing that it looked like that show had was the Peterman guy from Seinfeld was on it, and I like his overly serious and dramatic voice. Other than that, I thought it looked sappy and corny and dumb. But that’s probably just because I’m jealous that I can’t dance and impress women in that regard. I’m one of those guys that even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, still thinks a woman will be more impressed with me and more likely to notice me if I stand around with a beer in one hand, the other hand in my pocket, and a cool, detached look on my face, instead of actually going up to the little chickie and asking her if she’d like to dance. But before you tell me that I’m wrong, dance with me first and after such an embarrassing experience I do believe you just might agree with me that I am in fact one of those rare exceptions that does indeed look more attractive with a beer bottle in hand than getting jiggy on the dance floor.

Wow, where did all that come from??? That whole paragraph was definitely not on my list of things to write about. Sometimes I am truly amazed at the stuff that spills out of my head…….besides ear wax, snot, and spit. Well, I’m actually not amazed at all when any of those last three things come out. Amused perhaps, but not amazed. Just like this last thought—merely an unrelated addendum or tangent, but where on earth did it come from??? Well, I can only hope that the random thought either made my readers gag or laugh, or both. And better yet if it made some miscellaneous icky substance issue forth from one or more orifices of your own head.

Back to the task at hand though—those are the future topics of the World’s Greatest Pilot’s World’s Greatest Blog (well, tied for greatest with Melly’s, Lori’s, and Laura’s). However, before I write about any of the above crap, unfortunately I’ve got to use this blog as a sort of barf bag. That was after all, one of my main purposes in creating it, so as to keep some semblance of sanity in my life. Better to have all this mental-emotional-spiritual sewage polluting the cyber waves than to be clogging up the inside of my head. So, unless you want to get some dirt on me, (which I am always most ashamed of) you can skip the rest of this entry and move on to the next one. Here goes…….

To start with, it seems Shannon (aka me) can’t control what he does online sometimes and so therefore, I’ve had to take his “online back in his hotel room” privileges away from him. As some of you know—shoot—maybe all of you know—I struggle with the online sexual junk. Chat, pictures, all that crap. And crap it is. You know what amazes me about my struggle with this stuff? It absolutely confounds me—put me in a room alone with a woman I’m attracted to and somehow, some way I will probably behave myself with her. Well, provided Mr. Alcohol doesn’t join the party. That is one lesson I seem to have finally learned—again, provided “Mr. Lets Get Drunk and Screw” doesn’t show up. I spent the last 2 or 3 years just griping and bitching and complaining to God about what a drag He is with this whole “Don’t fornicate” thing. I was really getting nasty and mean towards Him with my attitude. That was last year. Thankfully, this year He’s helped me to gradually stop that bitterness and to actually kinda sorta accept my lot in life as a Christian in this aspect of my walk with Him. I still have my days, but overall, I sense myself coming closer to being at peace with this most difficult of His Commands He gives to us sexual mortals. It helps that He’s given me a surprising number of friends who are also bearing the same cross in life. It’s way too easy to feel like you’re the only one not in a relationship, not having a fun sex life, missing out on all the fun times—meanwhile life is just rolling along to it’s inevitable conclusion: old age and no chance for a great sex life, a happy relationship, a happy little (or big) family and all the trimmings….especially on a Friday or a Saturday night. It’s amazing how my body and mind change color (in the figurative sense) come Friday evening if I have nowhere to go and no one to be with. But, once again, I am getting sidetracked.

So, it astounds me that most of the time I can control myself with a real woman, and yet, put me alone with the internet, and I’m not to be trusted. How can this be?? I don’t rightly know, but it is the truth. I think perhaps in my twisted little mind, I feel like the stuff I do online has fewer or lesser consequences. And yet, just like any sin, it messes up my relationship with God and it messes me up in the head. Why do I do such self-destructive things? Why do any of us do such things? And when I’m behaving myself in this area, like I suspect I will be able to start doing, why do I want to eat, to drink, to spend money, to lose myself in a book or do anything but turn to God???? WHY WHY WHY???? I just don’t get it why even when we have the answer and the true source of life staring us right in the face—knocking at our door, asking to come in—why do we (or at least I) run from Him??? I’m saved by His blood and yet I still have this awful tendency to turn my back on Him. To slam the door in His face. What is up with that??? Ugh. Very useful word, “ugh” is. I find it even more useful than the word “validated”.

Well, those are my thoughts on this subject. Thanks to my lack of self-control, I will now only be getting online down in the hotel lobby, at the FBO (one of those cool aviation-related words), or at the library. How inconvenient. Oh well, such is life. Better to be inconvenienced and have my relationship with God than to destroy myself with sinful, destructive habits.

Hmmm….lets see here, is there anymore dirt that I was feeling the need to share with the world?………..so, wanna go out on a date with me?? Just kidding.

Yuck, I hate entries like this.