Vacation's Over
....If you can call it that. I spent this last week pretty much doing things, trying not to feel the pain. Here I took this week off work to deal with my baby's death, and I hardly spent any time at all thinking about her. I hope you will forgive me, Perlina. I love you inspite of some of the sick ways I have of dealing with this pain. With God's help and rescue, I'm going to live up to be the father I wanted you to have. Oh, Lina, I cry just thinking of you! Why couldn't I be with you in this life?? I wanted you!! I'm so sorry I didn't come to Florida to be with your mother and you. I know that if I would have, you would still be alive today and we would only be a few more months from being together.
Little Lina, I am going to miss you till the day I die. And when my time does come, I know there will be some part of me that will be excited about the moment's arrival because only through death will I be with you. And I wonder if you have met Pom Pom yet, your great-grandmother. I don't know all the details of how God works these things out, but if you are already alive and well with Him, then I'm sure you've seen what a wonderful, funny, and Godly woman she is. She was a blessing to me here on earth while I had her. I was the oldest of her grandchildren, so there was a special closeness between us. Anyway, I am glad you two are together, I only wish I could be there with you.
Lina, I'm sorry I didn't do the things that would've helped your Mother get through this pregnancy. It's so easy to look back and say "if only I would've done this...." or "if only I would've done that..." And I feel guilt over these things. Our Father has forgiven your Mommy and me for our mistakes. I hope you will too. As much as I love you and wanted to be with you, God knows you have a very imperfect, messed up Daddy.
Oh Lina, I love you so much. I don't know how I am going to get through this life without you. Even with all the drama surrounding your birth, I was so excited to have you my firstborn child. I was willing to work at a quickie-mart the rest of my days and to give up flying if that's what it would take to raise you and give you my love. I was going to be so proud of you, to show you off to family, friends, and strangers alike. I'm sure they would've gotten sick of hearing about you by the time I was done tooting your horn :)
Well, Lina, I'm going to go for now. I sure miss you and love you lots! I cannot wait to see you again. I say "again" because I was so excited about your arrival that in my mind, it's almost as if it happened at times. I have in my mind what you even look like. Oh God, help me! I miss you Baby....
Little Lina, I am going to miss you till the day I die. And when my time does come, I know there will be some part of me that will be excited about the moment's arrival because only through death will I be with you. And I wonder if you have met Pom Pom yet, your great-grandmother. I don't know all the details of how God works these things out, but if you are already alive and well with Him, then I'm sure you've seen what a wonderful, funny, and Godly woman she is. She was a blessing to me here on earth while I had her. I was the oldest of her grandchildren, so there was a special closeness between us. Anyway, I am glad you two are together, I only wish I could be there with you.
Lina, I'm sorry I didn't do the things that would've helped your Mother get through this pregnancy. It's so easy to look back and say "if only I would've done this...." or "if only I would've done that..." And I feel guilt over these things. Our Father has forgiven your Mommy and me for our mistakes. I hope you will too. As much as I love you and wanted to be with you, God knows you have a very imperfect, messed up Daddy.
Oh Lina, I love you so much. I don't know how I am going to get through this life without you. Even with all the drama surrounding your birth, I was so excited to have you my firstborn child. I was willing to work at a quickie-mart the rest of my days and to give up flying if that's what it would take to raise you and give you my love. I was going to be so proud of you, to show you off to family, friends, and strangers alike. I'm sure they would've gotten sick of hearing about you by the time I was done tooting your horn :)
Well, Lina, I'm going to go for now. I sure miss you and love you lots! I cannot wait to see you again. I say "again" because I was so excited about your arrival that in my mind, it's almost as if it happened at times. I have in my mind what you even look like. Oh God, help me! I miss you Baby....
posted by wwiiguy at 3:56 PM
1 Comments:
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to browse. I was sitting at work today, and I don't know for the life of me why. But I clicked on your blogsite. I will not do it again.
Your world has been such a mess since me. I apologize for never knowing how you really felt. And how deep your pain was, for the lose of our daughter. In your more recent entries you seem to have found your help, through God. It's the only way eaither of us could have handled this. I wish I could have been there for you, in your time of need. I thank God that he blessed you with good friends and family to be by your side.
bye
Post a Comment
<< Home